Hanging in There

James and I had several conversations about children this weekend. We were prepared for two and it is hard to go from thinking you are going to have two children very soon to not knowing what the future holds. We are researching different options but sometimes it feels like we are still going to bring the twins home. It feels like we have been through so much the past few years and the adoption has really shown us that you never know what life will bring. Things are still tender and whenever we think about it we just feel so heartbroken. It's hard to believe that things ended the way they did. Especially when we think about how everything worked out so perfectly for us at the beginning; like it was mean to be.

We are looking into other adoption choices but it is difficult to think about the adoption path without thinking of negative outcomes. I know there are so many orphaned children worldwide but there is also so much money involved with adoptions. It's scary. The Vietnam adoption program was one of the most expensive yet the country is full of poverty. It doesn't make sense. We did get most of our country fee refunded (x2) but if we had completed the adoptions, I wonder where the money would have gone? How do you find a program that isn't full of corruption or greed when so much money is involved?

We are going to spend plenty of time researching all country options. We still want to adopt and believe that it can be a wonderful experience.

Working for the Weekends

Last weekend was full of great moments...

New adventures (a few falls) on the NEW mountain bike

A nice mountain run

A party in the dog park

A cool mud bath

A Sunday spent chillin in the park

Squirrel banter

Laziness... Need I say more??!!!!

Yay, it's Friday again!

Deadline

I know that today is September 1st and that many people were waiting for a referral. You all are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this hard time. I know many of us had our hearts set on bringing home a little one from Vietnam. When you have a dream and it doesn't happen, it is easy to get discouraged and feel like it just wasn't meant to be. I believe that we are all meant to be parents and I believe that we will all find a different path to a child. After all, there are millions of orphans worldwide. I think that God has a plan for everybody and just because it didn't work out like we all had planned, I think there is something good in store for us all.

Weekend Escape

I was an emotional wreck on Friday afternoon because I was so tired and overwhelmed. On my way home I called James upset and little did I know, he was trying to stay calm after walking in the door and seeing a disfigured Molly. Her face was swollen and he said that she couldn't even open up her eyes. She does have allergies so he immediately gave her two benadryl. When I got home he asked me if Molly looked okay and I responded, "What is wrong with her?" Within an hour the swelling drastically went down and we decided to wait to take her to the vet. She then got sick on Saturday morning. I shouldn't read the internet because every time I do it causes me to go into panic mode. It made me think about the worst scenarios like lymphoma or other types of cancer. I read that Golden Retrievers are more susceptible to cancer than most other breeds. As I freaked out on Saturday we realized that we were giving Molly new benadryl that was uncoated and that's what was probably causing her to get sick. Bingo! She was fine after we stopped giving her the pills. We didn't have to take her to the vet and she is now back to her normal self.

I fell asleep at 8:30 on Friday night and didn't wake up until 8:00 on Saturday. Does anyone else feel completely exhausted on Friday nights? On Saturday we had to get away but didn't want to go far away so we went for a nice hike near Boulder and then had lunch and shopped. We love Boulder! You definitely see a variety of people there and it is great to sit and watch them go by on their merry way. It must have been move in weekend for students at CU because we saw many college students and their parents wondering around the town. It made me want to go back and start college again (in a way). I can't believe it's been so long since I started college as a freshman. If I only knew then what I know now! :) Everyone looked so young. I never thought I would say that.

We are going to try to stay away from downtown this week except for James having to take the bus downtown for work. The city is buzzing this week because of the Democratic National Convention. James went out for lunch today and saw many protesters and government groups along 16th street mall. You never know what you will see there. I told him to take the camera because he might spot someone famous. You never know, right? We'll post pictures if he gets any good ones. I'm hoping for a shot of somebody. Fallout Boy, Mariah Carey, Everclear, Chris Daughtry, James Taylor, Ani DiFranco, David Crosby, Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck, Black Eyed Peas, Val Kilmer, Oprah, Kanye West, Dave Matthews, Madonna, and many more I didn't mention are going to be in Denver this week. That's pretty good odds for spotting somebody!
Have a great week!

Work and No Time

I have been working an insane amount of hours trying to prepare for those little 2nd graders and their parents. My job is full time this year and wow, it is hard getting acclimated to a new school and learning the new curriculum, procedures, etc. The school is highly regarded and the principal has very high expectations of everyone, which is a little pressure but somehow I will survive, right? Today was the first day of school and the kiddos are so cute and clueless! They were so quiet and looked so scared this morning.
I have been so busy that I feel like I have no life right now and am exhausted. At least I have something to keep me busy! I had thought I was going to stay at home when we moved to CO but decided that I shouldn't be a stay at home mom to Molly. That does sound good at the moment though because I miss the freedom I have in the summer. Maybe someday...

Feeing Down

The last few days have been especially hard on us. We gave one of our cribs to one of our good friends who is going to have a baby in January. We were happy to do it but we did feel our hearts ache. It is so hard knowing our dream of bringing the boys is not going to happen. The events that unfolded during our adoption journey constantly run through our minds and we do second guess ourselves because we wanted those boys home with us more than anything. We think of them every single day and long for them. We are extremely devastated and it is such a hard time.

Lance in Leadville

James and I decided to drive up to Leadville to see Lance Armstrong ride in the Leadville 100. A grueling 100 mile mountain bike race in which we hear the goal is to finish in under 9 hours. As you may or may not have heard this was his first race since 2005. The Leadville hometown hero held off the world famous challenger to win his 6th straight Leadville 100. We heard someone in the crowd say he is 42 years old. Simply amazing!
Hometown winner Dave Wiens.

The one and only finishes second!

It was quite some time before anyone else made their way to the finish line. After watching the press swarm for a bit, we explored Leadville on foot (with Molly in tow). We stumbled across a cute little pizza place. We were NOT disappointed. They were very friendly and provided a most delectable pizza consumption experience. (They get 2 thumbs up and four paws up for letting us sit outside with Molly) Yes, Molly liked the pizza too.

On the way back to the car, we saw a small crowd hanging out on the sidewalk. Upon further inspection, we noticed they were all waiting in front of the "Ugly Cookie" which had a sign that read, "Sold Out of Cookies - will reopen at 2:40) With a loyal fan base like that, we had to give it a try. Mmmmmmmmm.... Can the Leadville culinary experience get any better? We'll have to make another trip to find out. We headed out shortly after the cookies.

I was really impressed by all the mountain bikers. One guy collapsed after he finished and had to have 2 guys help him to the first aid station as he literally couldn't walk. I told James he needs to try to ride it next year. He responded, "You'd have to let me buy a sweet mountain bike first!" We'll see...

Here are some other pictures from the day. Happy weekend to everyone!

Help!

We have been trying to sell our house back in St. Louis for a few months. We are renting a small house in Denver until we can sell our house. If you could send us some positive thoughts and prayers, we would really appreciate it!! We found out that a house down the street is now the cheapest in our neighborhood because the owner defaulted on the mortgage. Ahh.... at this point we really just want to sell it. Thanks for all the positive thoughts and prayers! We would love to be able to move a little closer to my school, especially by winter.

Wow, He Did It!

Before the ride




During and after the ride




On Sunday before heading home we went on a hike near Breckenridge. James' friend Joe came to Colorado and we were able to spend the weekend with him.

James completed the Copper Mountain Triangle. He said he had a great time most of the way until the Vail pass because it had an elevation gain of about 3000 feet alone. He said it was rough and it was near the end of the ride. It was neat to see him coming through the finish line. I was impressed with how many girls I saw finish the ride. Maybe I'll give it a try next year.

We just love the mountains especially when it is close to 30 degrees cooler than Denver. The mountains remind us to take time to enjoy the little things in life. Apparently many other people enjoyed the mountains this past weekend because we were stuck on I-70 for many hours on Sunday. We got frustrated but reminded ourselves that there could be worse places to be stuck in traffic. At least it was cool with amazing views.

I am a little sad that summer is coming to an end. Today I went to my new classroom to begin the process of organizing it for the upcoming year. I was very overwhelmed as I stood in the middle of the room trying to figure out where to place everything. Moving and starting over has definitely not been easy. At times it has been so frustrating dealing with all of the little things like getting our cars registered in CO, finding new doctors, getting lost numerous times while driving, and signing up for new services for the house. I am sure that after some time things will calm down and we will feel more at home.

Mountain Fun in CO

Wow, it has been HOT here in Denver! Today marked the record for the most consecutive days in the 90's. It has been all over the news. It's funny because my friend who has lived here for five years said, "It's not supposed to be like this." The one good thing is that there isn't much humidity so it doesn't feel as bad as St. Louis did. My parents came to visit in this heat last week. We DON'T have an air conditioner but James' mom was nice enough to order a transportable one for us. She is a life saver!!
We had a great week with my parents and were very busy. We went to Rocky Mountain National Park, Roxborough State Park, Manitou Springs, and Pike's Peak. We saw a few marmots, chipmunks, and elk but that was about it for this time (okay with me).

These were taken at Rocky Mountain National Park (Sprague Lake). It was a cloudy day but beautiful!

These are all pictures taken at Roxborough State Park. I definitely noticed all of the wildlife signs. We love nature but not wildlife encounters. We have been charged at by Elk before (in Missouri) and I remember thinking that I saw my life flash before my eyes. Have you had any encounters with wildlife?

The long train ride was worth it to the top of Pike's Peak. We watched for wildlife and felt the temperature get colder and colder. The engineer on the train said that in approximately 550 trips he has seen a bear two times and a mountain lion only once. We wouldn't have minded seeing a bear or mountain lion from the train. James got the whole end of the train out of their seats when he said in an excited voice, "Mountain Lion", but it was just an elk. He truly thought it was a mountain lion for a split second.

This weekend we are going to Copper Mountain so that James can do the Copper Triangle bike ride. He will climb three mountain passes over 80 miles!! James' friend Joe is in town this weekend and we're going to climb a fourteen er on Sunday. Anything to delay the return to the Denver heat.

Have a great weekend.

We are taking some time to begin the healing process from our loss of the boys. We are heartbroken but know that we can get through this. We have continued to stay very busy and are trying to enjoy the beautiful CO outdoors. Please check back soon as we will start posting more regularly.