Hanging in There

James and I had several conversations about children this weekend. We were prepared for two and it is hard to go from thinking you are going to have two children very soon to not knowing what the future holds. We are researching different options but sometimes it feels like we are still going to bring the twins home. It feels like we have been through so much the past few years and the adoption has really shown us that you never know what life will bring. Things are still tender and whenever we think about it we just feel so heartbroken. It's hard to believe that things ended the way they did. Especially when we think about how everything worked out so perfectly for us at the beginning; like it was mean to be.

We are looking into other adoption choices but it is difficult to think about the adoption path without thinking of negative outcomes. I know there are so many orphaned children worldwide but there is also so much money involved with adoptions. It's scary. The Vietnam adoption program was one of the most expensive yet the country is full of poverty. It doesn't make sense. We did get most of our country fee refunded (x2) but if we had completed the adoptions, I wonder where the money would have gone? How do you find a program that isn't full of corruption or greed when so much money is involved?

We are going to spend plenty of time researching all country options. We still want to adopt and believe that it can be a wonderful experience.