Sunday, January 03, 2010

Total Denial

I just can't believe my time at home with Anderson is over tomorrow. I'm so extremely sad about it. I really didn't ever think I would want to stay at home full time but since he was born my views have definitely changed. Anderson is such an easy, happy baby. We stay very busy and do so many fun things; now it feels like we won't have any time. I do love my job as a teacher (most days anyway) but it is very demanding and draining. The expectations are set very high and everyone works extremely hard. Really, many teachers stay until 4:30-5:00 and the kids leave at 2:30. I know I stayed quite late at the beginning of the year and even brought stuff home to do at night. The life of a teacher. Ho humm.. I need to have a positive attitude to keep my sanity.
I'm also anxious about Anderson going to daycare. It is a great one and we had many great recommendations but I feel like I know him best and it's hard to let go and trust other people who do it for their job. I know he will be safe but I'm still feeling sad about it. James and I are both going tomorrow morning to drop him off along with all of his stuff. I'm already tearing up. :(
I've really enjoyed spending so much time with our little guy. I do wish I would have taken the whole year off. Hopefully my next post won't be so depressing and will be full of optimism. We'll see. I have to post a few cute pics so it won't be all depressing.
Anderson loves his Hungry Caterpillar. Inside is a
butterfly blanket.

He looked so cute in his new vest outfit.
The aquarium wore Anderson out.
Mommy and her sweet baby boy.

8 comments:

Jen said...

Sawyer has that same vest outfit...it's so warm and snuggly! He's getting so big and cuter all the time:-).

Kelli said...

It's hard, no denying it. I still remember the first day back. But it does get easier.

And a word of advice- I work in a very demanding school too. But you know what? The work is always there the next day. Most of it can come home with you at night. I do SO much at night. I am very fortunate to have an asst. principal with a 2 year old son. She has taught me to walk away and realize it's okay. Sure, some days you will have to stay late but make it a point to leave at a decent time (3:30?)- you don't get this time back. Of course tomorrow and this week even, everyone will completely understand if you walk out the door as soon as your contract allows you to!

Ray, Tammy, Josiah and Quentin said...

Good luck tomorrow. My heart is totally breaking for you. I get sad leaving just one morning a week. I hope everything goes well. Your students will be so happy to see you back, and Kelli is right, try and leave at a decent time. Time with Anderson is so precious and work will always be there waiting.

myminivanrocks said...

Good luck! I know it is hard, but you can do it!

Logan & Becky said...

I hope everything went well this morning! I'm sure it hasn't been an easy day for you. I was thinking about you.

Heather said...

Just said a prayer for you as I am reading this in the middle of your school day. I hope that your first day back was a good one and for Anderson too!

The Hines Family said...

I love his little vest! Adorable! :-)

I hope today went well! I go back a week from today.....I'm going to miss my girls like crazy! Can't wait to hear how it went for you. :-)

Julie and Dean said...

oh Melissa I so know how you feel. I go back to work after a 3 month leave in a few weeks and I'm already having anxiety about it.
I would LOVE to stay home and I also never thought I would until I had children. I am going to miss my boys so much. I would love to connect with other working moms. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I am the only one. I know I'm not but I feel like it. I just subscribed to the magazing Working Mothers. I'm hoping it will help me cope. Sorry for my gushing on your blog but being a working mom is so hard and it's so good to know that I am NOT the only one that works and wishes they could stay home. Thanks!