Thursday, May 28, 2009

The twins...

Another family from our old agency just picked up their daughter from the same orphanage where the twins resided. She had said that she would check on them for us since we think of them often. Well, we found out that they just went home with an American family about a week and a half ago. We don't know how to feel about it. Of course we are happy that they aren't in the orphanage. That would have just broken our hearts. But now we have many questions. We withdrew our petition last July and are wondering after all the problems we had (8 months trying to get an approval) how did another family bring them home, especially with only having 2 months to get a referral (before September 1st). We were also told that when petitions are withdrawn that it takes awhile for them to be eligible for adoption. How could this happen?? I didn't think any other American agencies (besides the agency we were with) did adoptions with this orphanage. Maybe the referral was given out after September 1st because of extenuating circumstances. There were some cases like this, right?

This is so hard but if the family did receive a referral before September 1st and the twins just went home, it means there were problems because it took 7 months to get approval.

We strongly feel like we did the right thing but that doesn't make it any easier. We could have been the family they went home with but we aren't. It was hard hearing the news but we have to believe that we did the right thing. I think I'm in shock right now but am glad they are with a family. That's the important thing.

15 comments:

Laura said...

Oh wow, I didn't expect this. I'm sure you didn't, either. You're in my thoughts as you process everything. Hugs.

Jen said...

You did the right thing, you can't second guess yourself no matter ho much you want to. If you hadn't withdrawn your petition maybe they would have been stuck at the orphanage forever. Things happen for a reason and now all your children are getting the chance to be happy. You're in our thoughts! Hugs!!

Tori said...

Wow. I bet that was news that no one would have expected. You and James did the right thing. It may not feel like it, but you spent many hours debating over that decision and I know you guys didn't take things lightly. In a sense, although I'm sad that they're not in your home, they are in a home now and that is what matters. Hugs to you guys!

Anonymous said...

THEY WENT HOME WITH ANOTHER PLAN FAMILY WHO WANTED THEM ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR THEM.

Sandra & Steve said...

just sent you an email - I don't know who "Anonymous" is but I'm not surprised that someone who would write something so stupid would also choose to hide their identity. Ignore them.

Ray and Tammy said...

Wow! That is such a shock.
It's not a matter of "fighting for them." You and James did what you felt was the right thing. I know it was a painful experience and I'm so sorry for this shocking info.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
-Tammy

James and Melissa said...

We did what we felt was right. To the anonymous person who left the comment...you have no idea the things we were told. That's all I'm going to say. We did the moral thing and I probably know more things than you do about the situation. That was a very hurtful comment but I still feel like we did the right thing. We wouldn't have been able to live with ourselves knowing the things we knew..

Kelli said...

Wow, I don't know what to say. That has to be so hard to hear. But do not to second guess yourself- YOU did the right thing. Obviously the red flags you wrote about hearing were a little more than red flags since the agency made them eligible for adoption again. Anon is hiding their identity for a reason- ignorance and stupidity come to mind- don't listen to them.

Tiffany said...

James & Melissa,
I just read your blog and the anonymous comment. I am sick about it. Please don't let them affect you. You did what you had to do and now you are being blessed with a child biologically. There is a master plan for all of us. Comments like those made by "anonymous" are cowardly and uncalled for in situations like these. They should be ashamed of themselves...

Dave and Teresa said...

If I recall correctly from older posts, there were questions about the legitimacy of the adoption of the twins. I don't personally know (or want to know) any adoptive parent who would want to bring their child/children home under questionable circumstances. If it was me, I would always wonder if there was a woman out there who was heartbroken because her children were taken from her forever without her understanding. You and James did what was right, even though it was very hard (the right thing often is) with the information you were given.

And "Anonymous," whoever you are, you know that what you said was cruel or you would have left your name. Life is too short to be so unkind.

The Hines Family said...

I can't even imagine the mixed emotions you must have. Praying for you guys through this.

Julie and Dean said...

sent you an e-mail...

Susan said...

You did the right thing. You did not make a flippant decision. I hope you have sense of peace in knowing the boys are in a home where they can grow and learn and be loved. Don't let the ignorant "anonymous" get the satisfaction of bringing you any sadness. S/he is sick to say something so cruel.

Laurie said...

Oh my gosh Melissa, I can't even imagine what you guys are feeling right now. I am in total shock as well.
I feel like barfing all over Anonymous's comment (and face, if it were bold enough to show itself;). Melissa, if there were more families like yours, Vietnam would not have had to shut its doors.
I know you guys must be hurting right now, and I, too, am feeling sick over this. SO sick. Sick for you and James, sick for the boys, and sick for the birth family they left behind. I also feel horrible for the family who did bring them home, if they are moral people, should they ever learn all the circumstances you and James did. And if they knew it all upfront, as you and James did, I am even more sick. In that case, I just hope when the truth is exposed to their children (and someday the boys will know the details), it doesn't ruin all of them. That's some tough stuff to get past.

danaedmisten said...

I am so sorry that you guys are hurting right now. I am sure that this was a shock to you if you had not heard about it before. It bothers me though, to read all the comments. I feel like people are not thinking of the twins. Whether they went to a PLAN family or another agency family, they still had to get USCIS approval and they obviously did. I saw them when we went to get Maia and although everyone there was doing the best they could, I would never wish that life on any child. It tears my heart out to think that Maia could have lived her whole life there. They were there for almost two years and no one had come back for them, so it is obvious that no one was coming back for them. They were going to live there permanently unless someone adopted them. That is very sad. I am happy that they have a family now, whoever it is. I hope I am not offending anyone by posting my feelings, but I feel like that someone has to speak up for the twins. Every child deserves a family and a home. It isn't their fault that they ended up where they did. James and Melissa I am happy for you and your new addition to your family and like I said before I am so sorry that you are hurting now. Please understand that I am not trying to sound mean or harsh.